I was chatting with another sales associate behind the counter about some new stuff we were working on for the recently introduced delivery program our store was managing to build. While we were chatting about some mechanics on the delivery plan, we started to chat with the elderly lady standing nearby. She was kind of 'sour' in her personality. We chatted with her, but on a very guarded note. It was also obvious that she had a pretty good chip on her shoulder about life in general. Her personality was not a smooth one. It was kind of rough around the edges. During that conversation it looked like the couple she was waiting for was just about done gathering the stuff they came in to purchase. They made a pass by the sales counter and told her they were almost done. She rolled her eyes in reply.
It was just about then that she moved closer to the sales counter next to us and picked up a small inexpensive item sitting on the sales counter. We often place new or special priced small items on the sales counter for consumer attention. She spotted one of those small items and said it looked interesting. She picked it up just about the same time her couple was coming around the corner and headed to our area to ring up what they they gathered to buy. As the other couple approached the sales counter she said to us, "I am going to put this into my pocket." And she did. The other couple approaching us could not see her 'pocket' move nor hear her say what she said. It was out of their sight and range when she did it. I was puzzled and so was the sales associate I was standing with. In fact, we both took a double take look at each other the minute she said what she said and did what she did. My eye brows were standing straight up. Nobody said anything.
As the other couple came up to the sales counter with the items they were getting ready to purchase, she said, "I am leaving now. Good bye." She turned and went out the door. The sales associate and I were standing there staring at each other in complete shock. We were stunned motionless. Out of nowhere we started to laugh uncontrollably. I was shaking my head. He was trying to hold back his laughter as the couple placed their items onto the sales counter to check out. I picked up one of the items the elderly lady took out of the store and asked the couple if they would like to add it to their list of purchases. They said, "No." The both of us were fighting to stop laughing so visibly. The couple now at the counter thought we were being a bit silly. They made their purchase and I am sure they wondered what was wrong with us. I am sure they chatted about our laughter as they walked through the parking lot to go back to their vehicle.
Once they left the store we both looked straight at each other and burst out in full laughter. We had many great phrases we began sharing with each other about the event that just took place. He said, "Wow, at least she is an honest thief!" I said, "Hey, I like her plan. It has a lot of great mechanics! Her timing is perfect. She is a real pro!" He said, "We got 'had' by a 95-year-old thief!" "She is not nearly as stupid as she pretended to be," he continued. He said, "I can just see the headlines now, clerk jumps 95-year-old lady at the store and accuses her of stealing a two dollar item from the sales counter right in front of him!" We had many other great lines we shared with each other as we laughed uncontrollably. It was a different experience. We live in interesting times. This time, the customer did something wrong that did not piss us off. It made us laugh. We each put a buck into the register and moved on. It was worth the entertainment.
How many times does a customer do something that pisses you off? How many times do you blame the customer for the challenges they bring to your desk? How many times do you blow off a mad customer because you are tired of hearing that stuff? How many times do you ignore what the customers say and suggest? How many times do you try to avoid chatting with a customer who is complaining about something your business did or did not do? How many times do you wish your customers would just buy the stuff you sell and get lost? How many times do you find you try to avoid spending extra time with the customers you serve? Do you find you do not have time for your customers? Do you roll your eyes when one of your least favorite customers comes into your store? Do you ask someone else to go help a customer you do not like? Do you catch yourself trying to avoid some of the customers your business serves? Do you have a 'black list' in your mind of the customers you hate to do business with? Do customers just seem to piss you off?
We laughed uncontrollably at a thief. She was bold enough to spit directly into our eyes, and we thought it was funny. I do not think that was her first time. She was way too controlled about what she did for it to be her virgin flight. I am not sure the couple she was with is not part of the deal. They conveniently offered her some interesting signals for when they were going to be done doing what they do. I would not be surprised to find out they were a team. This time was only a two dollar win. I know one thing is for sure. That lady has the ability to steal. She made that fact very clear. I know that fact the next time she comes around. If I see her arrive again, she will have me as her 'escort' around the store. I will drop what I am doing to chit chat with her where ever she stands. Her actions have invited my presence. I will be nice, but I will be with her at all times. If I see her, I am with her. If that irritates her, not my problem. She served the food, now she must learn how to eat it. I am her new 'buddy.'
I rarely get pissed off with any customer. I am not pissed off with the 95-year-old lady thief. If a customer tries to irritate me, I get more competitive. I try to do more business with them. I consider it a great victory when I can get more money out of their pockets than they were originally willing to share. I do not avoid uncomfortable customers. I just try harder to get some of the money in their accounts to be transferred into my accounts. It is a good challenge to me when a customer I do not like spends what they might not have spent because we were able to convince them we had what they wanted. I can write several hundred posts on this blog about the irritating experiences I have had in the nearly forty years I have served the public. I can count on one hand how many times I have asked one of those irritating customers to never come back. In fact, I have never told one customer to never come back. When one pisses me off with some rude and uncalled for behavior, I welcome them back. It is like a challenge to me to get more money out of their account and placed into mine. I now want their money more than ever.
When a tough customer calls or enters any one of my establishments, I tell my staff give them to me. I want them. I will work with them. I will endure what irritations they bring. I will boldly and enthusiastically become their friend. It will make them so nervous they will either buy something or disappear. I prefer they buy something. That is what I do best. Sell stuff. I want to help them convince themselves that they need to give us some money to take away what we considered was something they needed. I will make it very clear that this is what I am trying to do. There is no sense in hiding it. They will feel like they are smack dab in front of my cross-hairs to buy. I will make no secrets about that effort. Two can play the irritation game. Mine will cost them some money. That is what I do. I sell stuff to customers. They are one of those customers. I will work to close a sale everywhere they move. They will know it. I will outlast any irritation they plan to deliver. I will still be trying to sell them something.
The 95-year-old lady who proved she can be a thief will not like me next time. I will be following her around, at all times, telling her to put extra things into her pocket so she can buy them. She will know perfectly what I am doing. I will even page another employee to bring us a cart. I will remind her that she at least owes me one simple purchase. I will tell her that I am a pretty simple guy. Simple stuff, simple solutions. She needs to buy something. She will either become a customer I escort while she buys stuff or she will never come back. It will simply be her choice. I prefer that she comes back to buy stuff. I will tell her that truth. I am not shy about it. I sell stuff. I do not appreciate people who steal stuff. It will be clear to her the next time she comes in. I will be nice but I will be focused. She will notice it and become convinced that I want her to buy something. I don't care if it is gum. She can gnaw on it for all I care. She just needs to buy something. She's a thief, people. I do not care what her age was...she is a thief. What she took that day was not a necessity of life. It was also not something she can peddle for cash on the streets. She is a thief. She needs to buy something the next time she comes in. Her move has become my invite. That is how I treat the customers that piss me off. I become their personal salesperson.
Try it. You might discover a great way to over come how you allow them to piss you off. Turn the ugly into cash. Once in awhile you will win. I consider a stick of gum sale a victory in these cases. It gives me great pleasure to serve those who piss me off when I can sell them something else. If they irritate me again, I need to sell them more stuff. The more they piss me off, the more stuff they need to buy. I think that is the whole idea. I am supposed to be selling stuff, right? It looks to me like I have developed a good customer if they keep coming back to buy stuff. I think that is the whole purpose of operating a successful business model. Repeat sales. I could not find any language in my business plan that describes how the customer should act before I take their money to my accounts. If customers just seem to piss you off, take more money from their accounts and place it into yours. Sell them more stuff. That is what you do. Quit worrying about how they piss you off. Get over it. Take their money. Sell them more stuff. That is why you own a business model. You sell stuff to customers. You do not own a business model because you want to control how people behave. That is not why you opened your own business. Do not lose sight of this truth. Sell them some stuff.
I cannot wait until my 95-year-old 'thief' customer comes back again. I think she needs some gloves!
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