Anger, Let's Manage It Better!

Do not go to war with too many things that are inconsistent with happiness.  Furthermore, if a decision is made to get involved and all wrapped up with stuff that threatens your happiness at least know what the threat is before going to battle with it.  Do not attempt to run opposite of your happiness blind-sided.  At least with this much awareness in your war to approach and attack those things that disturb your happiness you will know where your limits reside with what you permit to control that happiness.  If you exceed your limits of protection for the happiness you desire, do not go to war with those things that are inconsistent with your happiness.  This is very simple stuff, but many people get lost in this forest.  I have seen many business leaders get all wrapped up with these kinds of mismanaged business fundamentals.  They often times do not see what damage to success they are doing.

Let's circle the subject of anger.  Anger is often times found in the deeper parts of the root that causes many business leaders to go astray.  Sometimes business failure has nothing to do with product sales.  Sometimes business failure has nothing to do with customer service applications.  Sometimes business failure has nothing to do with missed marketing.  Sometimes business failure has nothing to do with poor accounting.  Sometimes business failure has all to do with poor anger management.  The truth is, anger exists everywhere.  Some people manage it well while others fail to get a grip on it.  Which side of this fence does your life live?

I am not a clinical psychologist.  I do not profess to be one of those trained leaders.  However, I do know that everyone in life with no exceptions faces issues of anger almost every single day of their lives.  The difference between those who manage it well and those who do not is likely resting somewhere in their perspectives and approaches.  There are thousands upon thousands of websites offered that deal with the issues of anger.  Anger management is a topical subject anywhere a person wants to travel.  It is traveling among all of us sharing our lives with one another.  There is not one person alive who does not travel life without dealing with issues of anger.  Everyone has it.  It is not an affliction that has been given to one or two special people.  Anger is harbored in every single soul on this planet.  Learn how to accept this truth.  If you have anger issues, you are not special or rare.  You are just normal like everyone else.  Get in direct alignment with this truth.

Now, back to the management of anger issues in our business world.  Once we identify anger as one of the common inclusions for human traits we can get on with finding ways to manage it better.  My neighbor might be able to handle stress and anger much better than me.  In fact, he might be able to manage it so well that I may actually believe he never has any anger issues.  Did you know that?  The truth is, he may actually have more anger issues in his life than I might be managing myself.  He just may be able to manage them better than I might do and therefore anger might not appear on the surface of his life like mine do.  In fact, my neighbor is just completing a serious divorce.  One thing I noticed about this process, he has managed the ugly stuff that comes with that kind of anger very well.  He is deeply frustrated and terribly hurt by the divorce process but has managed to hold his deepest anger in check.  He is managing it very well so far.  Trust me, he has some very serious anger issues that are helping to contribute to this divorce.  He has just learned how to manage them well.

I once had another neighbor go through this same stuff, divorce.  They ended up in jail.  Later in the process of their troubled relationship she tried to commit suicide.  He retaliated by bashing in the windows of her automobile.  We called the police for help that night.  My youngest daughter was very afraid of what the neighbors were doing.  They did not manage their anger very well.  Both of these examples had anger issues.  One group has learned how to manage those issues better than the other group.  Neither couple had a simpler thing to deal with.  Both couples had serious issues that were cutting deeply into their hearts and souls.  The difference between them was how they managed the anger.  Some work on it better than others.  Anger is living in all forts.

In your business model make sure you have this kind of management understood.  It may not be about accounting, marketing and the improved relationships between consumers and product deliveries...it may be more about managing your anger properly.  Over the past few years, both of my neighbors ended up in a divorce over their life of managing anger issues.  We all are faced with issues of this magnitude.  How we deal with them is often times the mark of where we are headed and where we will end up.  Managing tough stuff in life is real, it is consistent and it is manageable.  All of us can do the good work while the stage gets set on fire.  Learn how to manage anger in your business model.  Help your business model become more able to perform better by doing what is right to do when the weather is not so good.  Learn the art of managing anger more professionally.  Become smarter.  Become more giving.  Become more honest.  Become more controlled.  Know your sources.  Know your limits.  Know your strengths and know your weaknesses.  Be a great business leader.  It is not a natural thing to do.  You must work on it to make it happen.

How do we learn to do this kind of work?  How do we learn to manage our anger?

First of all, anger is not an "all or nothing" proposition.  Sometimes we think that if something does not go well it is a total loss.  Nothing is a total loss.  Learn this truth.  Rebound, recovery, hope, goodness and success is around every hard corner.  Get very familiar with this truth.  Do not become a doomsday believer that all is lost.  That is simply drama doing its thing.  The truth is, all is never lost.  There is always more to be built, more to be generated and more to achieve.  Always.

Second of all, watch out for "feelings."  "Feelings" are not always facts.  Learn how to practice accurate thinking.  Accurate thinking is one of the seventeen principles to success.  Get good at it.  When anger comes to the surface you can be certain that "feelings" are ignited more than usual.  Learn how to shift into the gear that manages accurate thought when anger arrives.  If someone does not send you a happy bosses day card when that week is being honored, it does not mean they hate you.  They might be all wrapped up with their last child going to college and dealing with an empty nest syndrome of their own.  They may be working their own way through their own tough stuff.  Get accurate in your sensitivities.  Learn how to approach your leadership with the heart of an accurate thinker.  You will discover less anxiety and less anger with this kind of life approach.  Teach yourself how to become that kind of manager.  It matters.  Remember, great management is not natural.  It is a learned process.  Quit relying on your natural abilities...they probably suck.  Mine did.

Thirdly, avoid self put-downs.  Wow, this is huge.  Great business managers do not put themselves down.  They do not place their own "F's" on their motivational refrigerator.  That is simply self destructive and anger will eventually take over.  Get re-directed with these kinds of thoughts and actions.  If you cannot do this step, grow up and learn how to do it.  It is doable and it may be time to make it happen.  Be supportive of your own self.  Become at least a team of one.  In many situations of challenge in my business career, thank God I was the only one who believed in what I was trying to achieve.  If not for that one vote, mine, nothing good would have come out of those challenging situations.  That is what leaders do best.  Become that kind of inspiration to yourself.  Grow up and be counted as a positive thinker, doer and driver.  No self put-downs allowed in this area.

Fourth, work on the 'law of evidence' only.  Do not jump to conclusions so quickly.  Get your evidence first. Stay away from wild opinions.  Stay away from 'he-said, she-said' kind of stuff.  There is usually not enough evidence in those circles to support the junk that flows around this kind of anger.  Avoid working with hearsay.  Avoid working with suppositions.  Avoid working with popular opinions.  Line your work up with the 'laws of evidence.'  Make sure the facts are well known, completely examined and thoroughly understood before you pass judgement.  Anger is often times removed by the same thing that removes fear, more accurate information.  Get more accurate with your information before you allow your emotions to run off in a wild response.  Control this stuff.  Learn how to manage this stuff.  It is not natural to do these things.  It requires learning how to manage these things.  It takes effort, trial and error to become better at doing these kinds of things.  Make that effort.

And last for now, start working more on forgiving yourself, forgiving others and driving your energies to help others become better at what they do.  Do not hold others to such high standards that they can never meet your demands.  They are just people.  They make mistakes.  You make mistakes.  You likely made several mistakes just today!  Forgive yourself and move on.  Forgive them and move on.  Quit making mountains out of mole hills.  You do not need tough stuff to manage all of the time to feel important about what and who you are.  Anger divides you away from yourself.  Did you know that?  Learn how to re-connect with yourself and do this by forgiving yourself.  You are only human and you make a lot of mistakes in life and leadership.  So what!  Accept this truth and move on.

I once managed a large call center for a franchise organization.  I told my staff of eleven call center employees that they did not get paid enough to put up with rough and rude customers.  Therefore if any customer became rough and rude, just transfer those calls to my desk.  I told my staff I get paid to handle that kind of ugly.  Turn them over to me.  On one of those calls a guy was acting out of line with one of the call center clerks so she transferred that caller to my desk phone.  He was rude, out of line, cussing and obstinate.  I took the call.  My desk was located in 'ear-shot' of everyone else in the center.  I did not believe in non-transparent leadership.  I am comfortable with open information.  It is one of the things that defines my leadership style.

As that caller continued on with his tirade over the phone, I once in awhile would repeat what he said so the rest of the office clerks knew what we were discussing.  His anger was so out of line that it could easily draw anyone into his embattled personality space.  I recognized this immediately.  He was not a happy man.  He was out of line with his complaint and over the top with his force of delivery.  I was silent and polite.  Then he said he was "perfect" when I asked him if he had ever made a simple mistake.  I was in the process of describing how our installer had called this customer to describe a mistake he made on the installation of a windshield he performed.  That news of the mistake made by our installer was so irritating to this customer that he called our office to express his anger in levels beyond what anyone should accept.  I was proud of our installer for contacting this customer with the small scratch he made on the hood of that customers automobile.  Nobody would have ever noticed the small scratch, except for our installer.  The courage he had and the integrity he performed to call that customer and let him know about that quarter inch scratch he made on the hood of that automobile was above and beyond any sense of quality performance.  To react the way the customer reacted was astounding.  Anger was out of control.

Stay within yourself.  Do not pretend we live in a perfect world with perfect outcomes.  That just simply is not true.  It never will be true.  Quit expecting it.  When asked if that irate customer had ever made a simple mistake in his line of work, his answer was, "Never."  He told me he was "perfect."  That was the exact word he used to describe himself.  I repeated his reply out loud so that the rest of my office staff could hear his obnoxious response that he was "perfect."  I watched everyone in the office turn their heads in amazement.  they were suddenly relieved of the senselessness this irate customer was projecting.  Every one in the room had been able to remove their anger with this one senseless reply.  Learn the art of processing anger with a more professional approach.  It never is an "all or nothing" proposition.  Trust me folks, this irate customer has made a mistake or two in his life...contrary to what he is personally willing to admit.  I just forgave him on the spot and asked him to come into our office and introduce himself.  I wanted to meet my first "perfect person."  He actually showed up!  We then solved the issue.

Anger is an amazing thing.  Get a serious attempt developed to arrest its damage.  Learn how to manage how anger moves.  Become changed in how you mange what you should learn to manage.  Stop relying upon your own natural skills.  They suck.  Do not trust them anymore.  Change the way you manage anger.  Become a better manager of the art for life, the art for leadership and the art for self preservation.  Anger, let's manage it better.  Recognize that everyone deals with it, nobody is the king of witnessing more things to get angry about and forgive yourself as well as others more often.  Manage it better.

Until next time...