Good Intentions, Terrible Pavement.

I Was Walking The Wrong Way.

I had been married for more than 20 years, raising three young women, worked in and around business operations for over 20 years and had served on many community based organizations, when I learned the lesson I am about to share.  I was doing what I thought was the right things to do in my business walk.  Looking back after I learned this lesson, I discovered I had wasted two complete decades worth of energy and effort.  I was walking incorrectly and receiving exactly my just due.

My contribution to all of those responsibilities was nearly a flat line of which I had no idea was occurring.  I was blind to so many critical needs I could not begin to insert them, let alone manage them.  Even so, as much as I was walking incorrectly, I was making some little efforts on the fringe of my activities that were small attempts at making some corrections.  I was ready to learn new things that would help me win more often.

Even though I was willing to look at making some improvements, I was not willing to admit I was traveling in the wrong directions because my intentions had always been good.  I believed in the tyrannical thoughts that good intentions produce good results.  I was not a business man who was trying to do poorly, so why should I change deeper stuff?  My results were fair but not as healthy as they should have been given the effort, time and sacrifice I had been placing on the table.  The road to my business success was not made of smooth pavement and it was painful to manage.  My road to business success had potholes, gravel portions, cobblestone edges and some sections of my path were notoriously dangerous because they were filled with mud-puddles and hidden deep holes.  My business road was not built to allow my travels to run smoothly along the trail to success.  I was not happy with what I was not producing.  As a result, I began to look for better road signs.  I tried to see if the path I was on could be improved.  Maybe, just maybe my road was not exactly the right road to use.

The confusing thing about where my business road was going had nothing to do with how hard I was working.  I was working extremely hard.  I was giving my road a lot of attention.  I would work hard even when I was not at work.  I knew I needed to mentally configure what needed to be done to my business in order for it to survive the road I was on.  My road was too bumpy to travel, safely.  The road repairs were in high need and the risks for getting stuck was tremendous.  Furthermore, my business road was very hard on my traveling equipment...my family, my spirit, my plans, my dreams, my employees, my associates, my equipment, and my bank accounts.  I was looking for some way to make a change that would improve all of those ills.

The Tyranny Of Good Intentions

During my search I believe the creator had enough heart left for me with the terrible path I had chosen.  He dropped a successful business leader onto the side of the crumbling road I was traveling.  That business leader was placed along side the road where I had recently stopped to look around for new direction.  That new leader appeared as if he was in trouble, too, looking for help himself.  Comically, I decided to help him out.  The rest of that story can fill two volumes of a personal journal on the "how to do a" life change.  I will spare you the lengthy details at this time.  However, one of the greatest lessons I have come to respect in that whole journey is one simple correction that made the most significant affect in my business, personal and social repair.  That single change was to eliminate my good intentions and deliver what I said I was going to do.  I learned to be of my word more often than I thought possible.

I want every reader to take this next paragraph and when I say (pause) I want each of you to stop reading for a moment and look up to the heavens and admit to that creator that you have been a rotten example for being a person of your word.  You have said to thousands of people, thousands of times something you might do or agree to do that you never delivered.  Yes you have.  You need to look up and clean off that slate.  It is killing you.  It is killing your hard working efforts to success.  It is anchoring your forward movement.  It is destroying every part of your future dreams.  It is making a mockery of the road you are traveling and you do not see how damaging it is.  It is ruining your credibility with every soul that can help you achieve.  It is killing you and you have no idea by how much.  I also know that each of you truly believe that your good intentions will suffice for making the best of what words you could not uphold.  That is hogwash.  That is how tyranny works.  Failing to keep your word is a nasty form of tyranny.  You just simply failed to keep your word.  There is no excuse.  You either over-promised, did not care, something better to do with your time suddenly came up, obstacles got in the way of your path of promise, or you did not truly care enough to deliver the promise or suggestions you made.  I see and hear it every day, spoken by good people with truly good intentions.  Good intentions make for a very poor pavement.  Unfortunately, the road crew, you, do not see the complete picture yet or you would correct this affliction.  I want every reader to take this next paragraph and when I say (pause) in that paragraph I want each of you to stop reading for a moment and look up to the heavens and admit to that creator that you have been a rotten example to being a person of your word.

(PAUSE.)  This is when you look up and admit it.

Being Of Your Word, A Great Business Law!

Here is what I know for sure.  Each of you did one of two things with that tiny little piece of instructions.  You actually did what it requested or you passed over it and ignored performing what it requested for you to do.  One of two things occurred.  I suspect most of you did what I would have done, a few years ago, you ignored those instructions and skipped doing what it suggested.  If you are like me, I was not truly ready to correct what is going wrong with myself as I led my business practices.  I was operating on the premise that my business had bigger ills that did not have anything to do with my errors.  I was not ready to make the right changes in the right ways.  My business continued to suffer.  When told these things, I did not necessarily agree with what I had been told about being of my word.  I only had to prove it to myself in the following months.  My path will remained bumpy until I made the change.  My 'magically placed' mentor all but guaranteed me these truths.  He was correct.  It was a good thing I was placed there to help him!

This reminds me of a good story.  A few years ago I was sharing some business plans with a couple who were at the end of their rope.  I had traveled several hours with my wife to spend some personal time with this couple as they requested our time to help them tweak a few things so they can improve what they were trying to do.  It would not be the first time we had done this trip.  It was not the first time we had heard their plight.  It was not the first time they had shared their frustrations with their business efforts.  They had a fair level of employment income, a fair understanding of their business responsibilities, a nice home and two seemingly great children.  But this couple was an absolute mess.  Every part of every component in their life was flirting with fire.  It may not have been obvious to them, but was very clear to us.  Their road was filled with potholes and the pavement was not smooth.  We recognized the road.  We had walked that same path.  My wife and I have built those same bumpy roads.

During this particular trip I had decided to deliver some very stern messages to jolt them onto a new course of direction.  I shared with my wife I was going to do what it took to help them "see" what needed to be seen.  That evening we sat down at their dinner table.  We listened to them share how much they wanted to change their direction.  When it was appropriate, I proceeded to deliver my best effort to wake them up.  I started my 'speech' with one simple request.  I asked all three of them, the couple and my wife, to stand up at the table for just one moment.  I lead the way and stood up.  My wife followed and next stood the other woman.  The man, however, refused to stand up.  He said, "What are we doing?"  I paused for a moment and said this, "Last week I was asked to share some business experiences with some young school kids in a grade school class as a part of their 'visitor show and tell' segment.  I asked a simple question to start my discussion with the group of 20 kids and discovered how quickly all of them wanted to answer my question.  All of their hands went up to be the one 'picked' to give my question their answer."  I paused at the house of the couple where my wife and I were standing.  Then I asked him this question, "What happens to us adults, as we grow older?  Why do we believe we no longer need to do the simple things we are asked to do?  Why is that?  What happens to us?", I asked.  It was silent for what seemed like ten minutes.  You could cut the air in the room, it was so thick.  I then broke the silence with this second request, "Please stand up."  He refused.  He said, "What does this have to do with what we are here to discuss?  What does standing up at your command have to do with all of this?"  I paused again.  I replied, "All of it."  I proceeded to injure what I had no right to injure.  I said, "Your unwillingness to make one simple step, one that you have no idea how important it is, to move on faith and to overcome the silly little protections you have come to acquire is an example of a person who says one thing but means another.  You are sitting in that chair on false premise.  I did not come here to lie to you.  I expect the same respect from you."  At that moment, the phone rang and saved my bacon!  He answered it.  It was a good friend of his he was wanting to talk to as he became preoccupied.  Saved by the bell!

That man was not at that table to make new changes.   He only told his wife he would be at that table to make some changes.  He failed to inform her that he would make those changes as long as they met his idea of what those changes would look like.  He forgot to tell her he had come with conditions to his word.  Tyranny.  His intentions did not match his actions.

He was not completely of his word.  Oh, I am sure he had plenty of wonderful reasons to use to justify his opposition for standing up.  The truth remains he was not willing to do what he shared he was willing to do.  That person was a prime example of how we say to our loved ones I am willing to work on improving what we are not doing well, yet still fail to deliver what we agree to do.  When I said (pause) did you actually do what the request described?  If you did not, I am going to give each of you one more chance to be of your word, to yourself.  Remember, you are ready this post as a means to improve what you feel is going astray in your business life.  You are searching for healthy corrections in your own mind.  Be of your word, at least to yourself, and do what is suggested.  If you are searching for ways to improve, take the real steps and do them when they are given for you to do.  I know how much we hate doing these types of things.  I hate them, also.

As silly as it may seem, I want every reader to take this paragraph and when I say (pause) I want each of you to stop reading for a moment and look up to the heavens and admit to that creator that you have been a rotten example to being a person of your word.

(PAUSE.)  This is your second chance!

For those who are willing to make this move, now go out into the world and 'catch' yourself when you slip at doing what you claim you will do.  If you tell someone you will meet them for lunch at 1 P.M., meet them at 1 P.M.!  No excuses.  If you tell your child you will attend their soccer match, attend their soccer match.  No excuses.  If you tell a customer you will look something up for them and call them back, do so.  No excuses.  If you tell your wife you will get home early tomorrow, do so.  No excuses.  If you tell a friend that you will have them over for a dinner soon, do so.  No excuses.  If you ask someone to meet you next week at a coffee shop, do so.  No excuses.  You will have a very hard time getting this process right.  I know.  I had to make those very same changes in my life.  Learn how to become completely accountable before you expect any good things to happen in your business repair.  I believe anything less is a futile effort.

I found that when I heard stuff like this I wanted to tune it out.  I did not want someone hacking at my ego.  The truth runs deeper than that.  I needed this stuff but did not want to hear it.  Yet when I changed these simple things, my life, my work and my business affairs improved tremendously.  It is not magic.  It is pure basics that have been sorely forgotten from years of 'easy' living.  Unfortunately, 'easy' living usually delivers a lot of stuff that is hard to live with.

I think this post leads to a sequel.  I think I might do a "part two" on this subject.  Maybe I will test my word and try to deliver part two...being of my word!  Maybe next time!    

Good intentions make a terrible pavement for the road to success.

Until next time...